In response to these dire and miserable times, let’s do a belly laugh (no, it’s not a pathological coronavirus symptom! It’s feeling good)

This email all started, in a way, with a message from my friend Dr. Sandy Schwartz in Bangkok (Yes, THE Dr. Sandy), with the heading “Crazy, silly, dumb news headlines”. It’s a series of outrageous headlines that are just (almost) too stupid to believe. But somebody did write them, somewhere, at some time.

Maybe it’s a reason not to be too suspicious of a media conspiracy. Maybe there are journalists out there who are too dumb to figure what’s going on? D’ya ever think of that?

Check out what he sent me and then we can talk from there…

Who’d have EVER thought of that?

Ooh, a bit risque that one!

And that!

Well, as a last resort, maybe…

Now if you are a bit prudish, turn your ahead away from the next one (you do know what giving head is, right?)

I sent these off to family and friends and got some nice suggestions from them this morning…

This one is via my younger son Magnus; it’s a quote from Brian Clough, a notorious, mouthy, arrogant British soccer manager:

“There are those people who think they know everything, and quite frankly they’re annoying to those of us that do”

My sister repeated one she’d heard years ago. A maths department memo: “The meeting will take place in the bi gger half of the auditorium.” Ah well, I can’t snigger. I was crap at math!

I have one to report too: It’s what we call in the UK a “Coleman Balls” (after David Coleman, a sports commentator). One day he was heard to utter the profound comment, live on air: “Football is a game of two halves.” Coleman Balls went on for decades. There were two collections made into books by the satirical journal Private Eye, at least.

Here are a couple more examples:

  1. “That’s the fastest time ever run, but it’s not as fast as the world record.”
  2. “He’s seven seconds ahead and that’s a good question.”

[https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2013/dec/21/david-coleman-s-best-colemanballs]

Now The Really BIG Laughs

Are you ready? These are among the funniest jokes ever!

Paper and linen masks, with pores of approx 0.3 – 10 microns, can trap viruses that are 4 millimicrons to 0.1 microns in size.  Hahaha!

Social distancing will stop or reduce the spread of a virus. What a howler!

We have a COVID-19 virus, to prove it exists! Hahaha! (no, we don’t).

Lockdown is a proven success in preventing the spread of infectious disease. Hahahaha! Did they ever hear the famous story of Eyam in Derbyshire?

Eyam is a small Anglo-Saxon village nestled in the hills of Derbyshire. Eyam has become known as the ‘plague village’ due to a decision made in 1665 by the all the villagers to self-isolate themselves and, supposedly, keep the bubonic plague (The Black Death) from spreading. It didn’t work and almost the entire village was wiped out. Their heroic but misguided actions were for naught.

Plague Cottage

By all means, think of their tremendous Christian courage, but throw your ire and spite at lockdowns, which are proven NOT to work. Abhor and castigate those who advocate for them.

NOT a joke, then. Sorry.

OK, a funny to finish!

Cop in Michael Angelo Painting

See you next week. And DON’T forget the pet health webinar this Sunday (more details coming tomorrow).

Register now (for free), this link.

Love to all,

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