It’s Thanksgiving again! Those of you who have been reading my musings over the years know I generally take the chance to comment. It should be a time of warmth and tenderness, feeling close.
But in truth family violence during or after the Thanksgiving dinner, even murders, break out in a big spike! “Too much DNA in the room,” one friend commented! Everyone treading hard on each others buttons.
I found stories that shocked me (because we don’t have this phenomenon in England) of someone whipping out a gun and shooting one or more relatives at the table!
On November 26, 2009, South Florida resident Paul Michael Merhige ate a hearty Thanksgiving meal with 16 family members and friends, conversing and joking and even joining in sing-alongs. After dinner, Merhige whipped out a handgun and shot four relatives to death, including his cousin-in-law, his twin sisters, one of whom was pregnant, and sadly his cousin’s six-year-old daughter. Afterward, Merhige reportedly said, “I’ve waited 20 years to do this.” Merhige fled the scene but was captured, and eventually cut a plea deal for seven consecutive life sentences to avoid the death penalty.
I then go on to point out that excessive eating and drinking is also a much unacknowledged source of violent outbursts and we all over-indulge at the table, that’s for sure. Not that it excuses criminal behavior. But it might explain it.
So let’s stick with the love and tenderness. It’s far from a given, in these times of stress and uncertainty. But I hold it is a duty. We ought to be loving and compassionate, particularly over the holidays. To not be caring is really a kind of arrogance: the stupid belief that we are somehow superior and beyond blame—it’s just those around us who regularly misbehave—is a sorry position to hold.
Bah! Humbug, said Ebenezer Scrooge!
I’m not suggesting that you have murderous thoughts at Thanksgiving or Christmas, of course. But I would have trouble accepting that you never tread on anyone else’s buttons, or rub them up the wrong way.
It can be the least thing; or it can be crude! We have a friend who INSISTED on taking his lovely wife away for this Thanksgiving week, spending it with his former ex-wife and their three very dysfunctional sons. I can’t believe he did that! He’s not an insensitive person but in this instance, I think he’s been a complete clod.
It doesn’t need one of them to shoot another, or even swing a punch. It must be a withering experience for the (effectively) outsider “wife”, to be in that situation. It’s carrying courtesy a bit too far to expect her to do it. But she did, because she’s sweet and loyal.
Find The Love
Here’s part of a piece I wrote about 1994:
Peter Caddy, one of the founders of the Findhorn Foundation in North-east Scotland, was fond of quoting his Rosicrucian teacher Dr. Sullivan: ‘Learn to love the place you are in, the people you are with and the work you have to do.’
The point is of course to FIND SOMETHING you can love about the place you are in, the people you are with and the work you are doing. Just forget the negatives and smile. But we can go further than that and say that everything in life becomes wonderful, worthwhile, pleasurable and meaningful if we put love into it. If you find that you cannot flow love to those you are with, then what’s the point of being with them? If your task isn’t something you love doing, then it isn’t spiritually valuable to you.
The computer people have the term GI-GO. It stands for ‘garbage in- garbage out’. In other words, what you get out of a computer is only a reflection of what you put in. Life is exactly the same in this respect. If you can pour love into whatever you have your attention on, it comes back to you. By that I don’t just mean the old idea of someone will love you or the boss will give you a raise, though that’s possible and a valid part of the formula.
But what is overlooked—and it spoils the beauty of this bit of wisdom—is that: YOU GET IT BACK INSIDE YOURSELF. Something lifts and glows inside that gives one a tremendous feeling of lightness, joy and involvement that simply never comes if you’re in a grumbling go-away-don’t-bother-me mood.
Mundane Tasks
What then of the mundane tasks, like washing up and shopping for groceries, sharing a Thanksgiving feast? Well, these tasks have to be done. So why not put love into these too. You have a perfect opportunity to develop spiritually, so these moments can become a sort of exercise in personal growth. Instead of wasting precious moments of your life complaining and trying to avoid needful assignments, or just putting up with friends and relatives, why not cultivate the skill of putting love into these too?
Of course it does help to know that your life is focused. If you are drifting from day to day, with no true purpose, then you cannot see the web-like inter-relationships between each simple task of the moment and your big life picture. If you haven’t got a bigger picture, nothing makes sense any way.
So experiencing boredom, indifference to others, laziness and lack of involvement is a very good pointer to the fact that you need to shape up your life and make something of it; work out some meaningful goals and start to work towards them.
The reverse of this is equally true: when you know what you want to do and are working for it, every act becomes a statement of commitment, achievement, satisfaction and SUCCESS! Every small task becomes delightful as well as necessary, because it is taking you to where you want to be.
FOOD
I continued with this advice, which is so relevant to Thanksgiving:
One of the great times to evince love is while you are preparing food. There is a saying that the food tastes better if the chef puts some love into it. Well, you can test this out for yourself and you will find it is true! More than that, mealtimes are those moments of the day when there is time to take a little pause and feel relaxed, gentle and human. If you all involve yourselves in the meal preparation, that’s even better: someone to cook, someone to prepare food, someone to lay the table, put out candles, crockery etc, with LOVE, not huffing and grumbling. It all adds a great deal to the pleasure of eating.
If all this is new to you, try one or two simple alterations in your style while cooking. Put on music and dance while you peel vegetables; or swirl round once, like a dancer, as you move from place to place in the kitchen; or just make one or two graceful gestures with your hands as you fling in the condiments!
PRACTICAL EXERCISE
If you are tired, inactive, lacking involvement or feeling resentful about what you are doing, stop and look for love. It is vital for the peace of your soul and the good of your heart and mind that you find it. Sourness and hating what you do and the people you are with is the very opposite of life’s true principle of happiness. It will lead to trouble in the long run, and it can be BIG trouble – such as heart disease, cancer and an early death. I’m speaking now as a doctor.
Blessings.
Prof. Keith Scott-Mumby
The Official Alternative Doctor
