Self-esteem is a pretty wonderful thing. It heals hearts, relationships, and the universe!
To not uphold yourself for talent, beauty, wisdom, sexiness, competence, energy and uniqueness is actually a sin. Well, “sin” is a Biblical word and I don’t do Biblical, as many of you know. Let’s just say it’s bad; you are shirking your responsibility.
Look at it this way: YOU are the only real custodian of you. If you don’t do a good job, how is anyone else supposed to understand? You must learn to project yourself; to call attention to your graces, skills and finer points. You don’t have any graces, skills or finer points? Aw, c’mon, that’s nonsense.
You don’t have to be boastful but you DO have to be “out there”! It’s a minimum. The universe does not look kindly on shrinking violets, wallflowers, and the like. That has you coming from the wrong place!
You are a masterpiece, a work in progress, an inspirational showpiece—if for no other reason than that you are a functioning human being. That makes you a card-carrying member of one of the most magnificent creations in all of history: humankind.
As Shakespeare described us, we are “the paragon of animals”.
“What piece of work is Man, how noble in reason,
how infinite in faculties, in form and moving,
how express and admirable in action, how like an angel
in apprehension, how like a god!”
OK, he put these words into the mouth of Prince Hamlet (Act II, Scene 2), a troubled soul in this story. But there was no real Hamlet, he’s fiction. It was the great bard himself who penned these thoughts and some of the most glorious words and phrases in our language (or any language on earth).
Too bad we don’t always live up to this paean of praise.
Laurence Olivier and that magical voice, plays Hamlet!
Theories Of Self-Esteem
There is an enormous amount of self-congratulatory academic blather about self esteem (Google it and see!) They get really down and dirty and argue whether self esteem is the same of self respect, or confidence or self belief. Ha! This essay is not based on any hackneyed system or theory, just observations about people and life!
According to Humanistic Psychology, self-esteem is an inalienable right for every person, and people are worthy of unconditional respect, whatever they are or do.
William Glasser MD, a US psychiatrist, had some beautiful ideas on what primarily motivates a person. We all want to love and be loved, he said. To be loved, to be truly loved, is the most glorious feeling because it comes with the inbuilt message: you are wonderful.
But secondly Glasser added, we all want to feel valuable, to ourselves and to others. To feel valuable; isn’t that self esteem? I think so.
The concept of self esteem plays an important element in Abraham Maslow’s famous “hierarchy of needs”, which depicts esteem as one of the basic human desires, over and above food and shelter, etc.
Maslow suggested that individuals need both appreciation from other people and inner self-respect to build esteem. Both of these needs must be fulfilled in order for an individual to grow as a person and reach self-actualization, the ultimate high state of being, similar to radiant bliss on my ladder of emotions (just above ecstasy).
Not many people get there, or very often, but it is achievable.
Wake Up and Rejoice
I have written elsewhere about the delight of waking when you are being the person you truly are, in the place you should be, doing what you should be doing.
What a fantastic privilege. I rejoice every day that I am here again, the universe is open for interactions and I have all my senses intact. What greater feeling than to be ME?
You know the expression ear worms? Those pesky snippets of music that go round and round in your head, even if you are trying to consciously suppress them. They can be very irritating.
I have a thought worm that I would like to share with you all: I’m happy to be me! I don’t want to suppress it, of course. In fact I revel in it. It wakes me up in the morning and keeps me driven towards my goals.
If you can honestly say that of yourself, you are doing OK (I should really say you are Being OK!)
If you would not change places with anyone, for any reason, you are ipso facto, in the right place!
That’s a gift, treasure it.
And if the opposite is true, at least start running through your mind and senses the feeling(s) of what it would be like if you were to be the real you.
Comparisons are Odious
One of the first maxims I learned as a teen from my Zen hero Christmas Humphries was that “comparisons are odious.” [The earliest recorded use of this phrase appears to be by English monk and poet John Lydgate in his Debate between the horse, goose, and sheep, circa 1440]
Whatever you do, DO NOT compare yourself to others. That’s not being scientific. Science tells us we are all different, in every possible way. I am very satisfied with my manhood. Heck, I’m no Adonis and no stud. There is no reason I should be the chief bull walrus on the beach! But women have always found me attractive. I don’t know what that magic X-factor is that we call sex appeal but I’ve had it in spades and still carry plenty of it around apparently, even as I am just about to start my 9th decade of life.
I’m good at writing and teaching, I communicate well (did not always), have encyclopedic stores of memory and facts, have profound spiritual insights, I’m a little bit musical and have written prize-winning poetry.
But look, that’s me doing my personal self-esteem thing. Let’s go back to talking about you. You are charged with radiating purity, beauty and light. It’s everyone’s core job. Being a doctor, an actor, an insurance salesman, writer, politician, pop star, etc. is just an add-on activity.
Being is more important than doing, just as doing is more important that having. Are you being the person you are meant to be?
Most people are busy following the social agenda, not their hearts delight, meaning they do what’s expected of them: fight to get rich, grab the best real estate, find the hottest girl, drive the right car and grow old in peace and comfort (but not, alas, with that inestimable feeling of contentment and satisfaction). For a woman you can fill out all the similar social “norms” in the usual terms.
If you find dropping all those desirous external goals just way too challenging, I do understand. But look, do this (for yourself, not me): if you DID somehow break out of those restraints and went after what means the most in your heart, what would that look like?
WRITE IT DOWN, IN DETAIL. One thing we know for sure is that writing things down cements them in place much more intensely than just thinking about things. Might not seem entirely logical but it’s true!
And don’t beat yourself up for not having that whatever it is. But revel in the energy and thought waves of being that person, in that place, doing that thing! Do a proxy on yourself, if you like. Be your own avatar! It’s not illegal, like many pleasures seem to be!
Self Esteem Means Taking Care Of Yourself
High self esteem means you will treat yourself well; you see yourself as magical, unique, precious. It means you’ll get enough excercize; eat healthily; and choose the wise options from your social menu! You’ll care for yourself and stay out of debt. You’ll dress well, without necessarily being showy (self-esteem does not automatically mean being grandiose and flamboyant).
Flamboyant and outrageous does not necessarily mean self-esteem! Haha!
You’ll choose music, movies and books that will uplift you.
Self care will commit you to avoiding potentially bad or destructive situations…
Few souls have less self-esteem than addicts. Whether it’s alcohol, smoking or drugs, a person has to sink pretty low to allow chemicals to become a need and gradually undermine health, vitality and happiness.
I read somewhere that positive social relationships can boost your self-esteem and confidence. That’s actually backwards. Strong self-esteem can boost your confidence and lead you into some great social relationships (romantic or otherwise)
TIP: a really fast way to improve yourself esteem is not to try to think better of yourself, or practice counting your zip points; it’s to SERVE OTHERS. If you help others with their needs and wants, you be astonished at the praise that will come back to you. That’s nice.
But what will startle you even more is the way you start to appraise yourself!
With all the love to share,
Prof. Keith Scott-Mumby
The Official Alternative Doctor
